:: After The Lost ::

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After The Lost
Its hard to believe.

To accept.

I can't accept it.

I won't.

I won't give up on him. No one gets left behind. No one. Seven years, god knows how many missions, he never left me behind.

I understand better than anyone that stasis is the best thing for him. But knowing that doesn't make it any easier. He isn't here. He'll return to us, but not yet. I don't know when. It could be weeks it could be years.

There is no pointless banter.

There are no bets.

There is no sarcasm when facing terrifying things.

There are just memories.

As I pace around his house for the hundreth time this week, I keep hearing his voice, feeling his touch, seeing him. And then I blink, and, and he's gone.

I can hear his laughter.

I've taken things - little things - that no one will miss. Photos, videos, just little things to keep him in my mind. Although I'm sure he'll always be there anyway. Even in my sleep I see him.

Teal'C has been a huge help to me. He doesn't say much, he never did. But he never needed to. We don't need words.

I'd better go. I hate this place, I hate everywhere he was, I hate being there, and I love it, and I don't want to leave, all at the same time.

I can still see his frozen face.

I can still see it.

Thanks to Sarah aka Jolinar@Carter for this fan fic. E Rosen Online | Carter Fic | Stargate Starz


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