"Where are we?"
"Sir, I think we’re on…Earth!"
"Where on Earth are we?"
"Torquay, I think!"
"Yes. We’re outside a place called…Oh my god!"
"Was not Fawlty Towers an English comedy series made
"Yes. I suggest we go in sir."
"Okay." They entered the hotel, and stood at the
"Hi, could we get a couple of rooms please?"
"No speak English!" Manuel told Jack. He then looked
at Carter, admiringly. A tall man came out with a frying pan, and hit the poor
little guy over the head with it.
"Manuel, you idiot! You couldn’t do one thing right
"Basil! We have guests!" Sybil yelled to him.
"Hello. I’ll be with you soon." Basil smiled a
fake smile, and continued with what he was doing.
"We’d like some rooms."
"It’s okay Mrs. Fawlty, I’ll deal with them."
"Are you called Polly?" Sam asked.
"Yes, do I know you?"
"No, I just knew you were Polly. That’s Manuel, and
that’s Basil, and that voice belonged to a woman named Sybil."
"Yes! Anyway, do you have reservations?"
"No, it was an…unexpected stop!"
"Oh, I see. Well, we have two rooms left, with double
beds that’s all I’m afraid. They have doors that open in to each
"That’ll be fine, thank you." Jack butted in. Maybe
I’ll get lucky and spend my night snuggled up to Carter. Get real, she
probably loves a rat more than you Jack!
"Okay, Manuel, take them to rooms four and five."
"You have bags…no?"
"Packs, but they’re on our backs."
"Never mind." Jack shook his head, and Manuel led
them upstairs in to the rooms. Sam unlocked the door, and they thanked Manuel.
Jack jumped on to the bed. "Care to join me Sam?" Daniel and Teal’C
were in there too.
"Yes sir. Might as well, but no snuggling up to me, as I
don’t think Hammond would approve."
"We’ll take next door." Danny thought out loud,
thinking that Jack wanted some sleep.
"I need only a chair Daniel Jackson. You may sleep in the
"Thanks." Daniel and Teal’C unlocked their door,
and entered. Jack locked the door, then looked around the room.
"What time is it?"
"Well the place we were headed was a different time zone
to us, so it would be night on Earth, but day on Terraza."
"About ten I think."
"Well, I’m worn out Carter!"
"I’ll be back in a minute." There was a scream
from the bathroom a minute later and Sam rushed out and in to the arms of her
beloved CO, dressed in only her underwear. Jack was in his underpants and he was
"There was a rat in there!" Jack ran over and closed
the door. There was a knock at both doors. Jack answered the front door, and Sam
answered Danny’s door.
"What’s wrong Sam? You’re in your under wear?"
"There’s a rat…in the tub!"
"Night." Danny closed the door. Sam joined Jack at
the front door.
"Anyway, I heard a scream and…hello baby!" Basil
said as he saw Carter. Jack threw her a robe, and she put it on.
"There’s a rat in our tub."
"And the view is awful!"
"What did you expect to see out of a Torquay hotel
bedroom window…the hanging gardens of Babylon? Herds of wild beast strolling
majestically across the plain?" Basil fumed. "But the rat, I think I
have an idea of who’s rat that is. MANUEL!" Basil yelled. Manuel ran
upstairs to Basil’s side.
"Why is there a rat in the bath?"
"Rat? Is a Siberian Hamster!"
"It’s a rat! This man’s wife saw a rat, and nearly
deafened me!" Manuel and Basil entered the bathroom, with O’Neill and
Carter behind them.
"Basil!" Sybil shouted up.
"What dear?" Basil shouted down.
"You need to hang the Moose’s head."
"I will later dear."
"Manuel, take him." Basil grabbed the rat, or ‘Siberian
hamster’ and left, followed by Basil, and a frying pan that had suddenly
appeared from somewhere.
"That’s better." Jack closed the door, and Carter
removed her robe. "Carter, I don’t mean to offend you, but could you
either cover up or have your bath please? It’s just that…you know."
"Too tempting for you sir?" Sam joked, but Jack
"Yes you are. Have your bath Major."
"Yes sir, thank you."
"Let me get the rat droppings out of the basin first
though!" Jack removed all of the rat droppings with a tissue, Sam then had
her bath, and joined Jack in the bedroom.
"Care to join me?" Jack patted the spot next to him
on the bed. Sam walked over
"Now you’re cleaner…do you have any spare clothes
"Yep. I always pack a spare shirt, in case mine rips or
anything. It’s a very long shirt sir."
"Good." Damn it! On the bright side…obviously
she doesn’t love rats more than me. Jack and Sam dived down under
the covers, both of them blushing.
"Nothing to be embarrassed about, we’re just tow
friends and co-workers lying next to each other…"
"In the same bed…"
"Next to each other…"
"Under the same covers…" I think we’ll leave
them there. It’s up to you what happened. The next morning, the four friends
went down to breakfast.
"Thank you." Manuel served the breakfast, and Carter
smiled. Manuel smiled back, but Jack gave him a look that said ‘she’s
mine mate, find your own gal, or get your face re arranged.’
"Good morning everybody." Sybil beamed cheerfully.
"You look happy Mrs. Fawlty." Daniel commented.
"I don’t believe we’ve met Mr…"
"Jackson, Doctor Daniel Jackson. This is Murray
Carpenter, and Jack O’Neill and…"
"Samantha Faye O’Neill." Jack finished Daniel’s
sentence for him.
"Nice to meet you all. Are you the husband and wife that
found a rat in your tub?"
"I apologise then Mr. and Mrs. O’Neill."
"Manuel, you idiot! Here’s your breakfast blonde loud
screamed woman." Basil presented Sam with a bowl. Sam couldn’t quite make
out what the little thing floating in it was. Manuel came over. "Manuel, is
that a part of your brain?" Sam, Jack, Daniel and Teal’C left some money,
and then ran for their lives. They found a car, and Jack got it started. They
got half way down the road when they stopped.
"Crap!" Jack got out of the car, and started beating
it with a branch. SG-1 then woke up from their nightmares. They had all had the
same one, and they all yelled.